I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
