Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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