I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
