between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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