I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
