take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
