no, he came in my armpit
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
