My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
