I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
