So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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