I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
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My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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