the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
