Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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