I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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