Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
