I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
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