I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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