I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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