I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
