Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
