There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
