If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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