I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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