i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
