when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We left the knife in your bed.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
