Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
