I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
