How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
