speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
