i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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