It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
