Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
