I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sext me about skeletons
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
