I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
