Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
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We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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