I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
