Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This is my gift to your gina
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
