What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
