I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
