Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
