weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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