yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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