Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
