Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
