I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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