his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
