his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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