HIV tests are more positive than that guy
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
