just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
