Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
