I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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