dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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