On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Terrible idea I love it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
