I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm bleeding and have questions
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
