I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
