what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
