Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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