My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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