Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
