Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
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Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
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I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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