Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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