this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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