It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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