ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
